A Change of Direction

As I sat there on the couch, my heart sank as I remembered all the plans I had had for the week. So many projects to get done…and now, no energy to do them.As I stood there below the mountain, I reached down and grabbed a handful of flub. My mind told me I could make it up this rock easily, but my hands were getting tired pulling up a body that refused to defy gravity.

As I finished the last $0.02 of my six-dollar-burger, I became bored with the Monday night football game. I didn’t care about these teams. So boring. I flipped channels…and flipped again. Nothing. Wow - what a waste of an evening. As I laid in bed reading, my heart decided to let me in on a secret: “The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives.” (Schweitzer) I’ve been just getting by. Barely making it. Struggling to keep my head above water and sometimes being able to lazily float along. But I haven’t been living. I’ve been waiting to die. Sure, in the meantime, I may get a raise or a better job…a better house or a better _______. But in the meantime, I’m just wasting air. And then my mind pointed to a problem (not *the* problem, but *a* problem). A distraction. My heart began to race at the thought of ridding my life of one of my prized possessions:

My TV.I got up from bed and went and stood in front of the TV. A wide smile flashed across my face at the thought of not having it. I couldn’t understand why I was so happy, but as I unplugged the beautiful HDTV, the newly purchased Xbox 360, and the 5.1 surround sound system, my heart kept egging me on. With each electrical cord I removed from the power strip, I felt like I was literally breaking chains. For years now, that beautiful system kept me locked to the couch. Granted, the DVR helped to postpone my capture, but I still needed to make time to view my show(s) before the next episode came around. Sure, I could pause the game to answer a question from my wife…but I found myself getting more and more frustrated at the interruption as the years went by. And once my show was over and my wife began to watch hers, I’d quietly retreat to the bedroom and sit at the computer not wanting to subject my masculinity to TV shows that required any sort of Top Modeling or Projects on Runways.

And so the years have gone by, and characters such as Gregory House, Claire the Cheerleader, and Bart the orange-faced cartoon have kept me strapped in. My wife asked me when we could go out on a date, but I had a hard time thinking of something to do as I basked in the warm glow of the 1080i resolution. “I’ll think about that later…”Today is Day 13. Every night I come home and my feet try to take me to the couch only to stop midway across the tiled floor to realize that nothing is waiting for me there. The living room is now a place to read or talk to guests. And so I have to think. I have to decide what I’ll do with these few hours before sleep. I’ve cleaned, I’ve done laundry, I’ve fixed things around the house, I’ve read, I’ve played games, I’ve gone running, and I’ve gone walking. And it’s been amazing. This week will start the first real time when my wife and I have tried it together (she’s been out of the country for a few weeks). What will tonight hold? Some reading? Some talking? Some game-playing? A night out? Dancing…in our living room?!

It’s this thought of the unknown that my heart asked me to create. It was this adventure that it needed. I was lulling it to sleep, but I just gave it a Red Bull. Time will not wait for me to start living my life.