snakes have feelings, too

i saw my first rattlesnake yesterday. granted, i’ve seen plenty at the zoo, in encyclopedias, and plenty of documentaries … you know, the ones where the snake uses it’s tongue to track down the mouse in the field? but this was my first up-close encounter.actually, that’s not true. my FIRST encounter was at Joshua Tree a few weeks ago. i was walking across a rock formation in flip flops and almost walked over a baby rattler (which i hear are worse). but he just laid there staring at me as i walked around him.

but my sighting at santee yesterday was a little different. Santee is just east of San Diego off the 52. i went out there after work yesterday to do some bouldering. when i arrived, i noticed a pair of teenage guys throwing rocks at a bee’s nest. i said hi, they said hi…and then they took off, probably intimidated by my bulging biceps, manly chest hair, and cute little purple chalk bag.i spent some time climbing and then noticed they had gone off to join their friends about 200 yards away from me on top of a boulder across a gully. 8 of them sat on top, firing a bb gun at some milk cartons. i tried to not pay attention to them, but the acoustics of the valley and the high rocks made their conversation pretty easy to hear. within 5 minutes i heard one of them screaming and cussing up a storm as they all scattered. “I SAW HIS F*CKIN HEAD!! RIGHT NEXT TO ME!”

with all the cracks in between all the rocks, i wasn’t surprised that some critter might have said hello to one of the guys. usually it’s just a squirrel. the boys all got off the rock and ran around to where to other boy was still screaming and cussing. within seconds they had devised a brilliant plan — bludgeon (whatever it was) to death. they took turns at sneaking up on the creature’s location, throwing a rock, and running away. minutes later, one boy proudly held up the snake by it’s tail and the other boys cheered. except Piggy — he didn’t have the conch.what was i talking about? oh yes, MY experience with a snake…

the boys left shortly thereafter and i switched to a boulder near where the boys had been. i spent an hour or so working on a 5.10d traverse around the “Carousel Boulder”…the sun on my back, my fingers bleeding, and my feet sweating so bad it was hard to stay on. it was awesome.i packed up my gear and headed up towards where the boys had been. wearing flip flops, i was being extra careful of where i stepped (i’m also very shy and prefer slow ballads, so i gaze at my shoes, er, flip flops frequently). and there, in the middle of the path, laid a 4’ long snake. he/she laid there motionless. i thought that maybe the boys had ditched their fresh kill here on the path. but what teenage boy would not take home such a trophy? maybe this snake was just dead? maybe he’d given up his snake-ly ways and had slithered his way onto the path, hoping that an eagle would spot him and end his poor, miserable, ground crawling existence.

so i kicked some dirt at him. no response. i paused and thought for a better plan. i could just walk around him. after all, it’s not like there wasn’t a brick wall that trapped me into this path.so i kicked some more dirt at him. he lazily picked up his head, turned to look at me, and froze. it was as if i had just prodded a drunk old guy with a stick. i expected him to scratch his belly and tell me to buzz off, kid. obviously, my plan of exerting my predator dominance was not working. so i found a rock. now, i knew that bludgeoning the snake would make me no better than a teenage boy, so i found a small rock about the size of a quarter and tried to roll it along the ground towards him. i missed. so i threw a few more. (this is why pacificism doesn’t work, folks) finally, one of my pebbles managed to ricochet off his back and the war was over. the snake slowly slithered off the path into the bushes. and that’s when i heard it: the rattle.

let’s be honest: i’m a white-collar kid who was never a boy scout and still tried to take inflatable mattresses when he goes camping. i’ve never heard a rattlesnake rattle except on those documentaries. so when i heard that thing, i just about crapped my pants. it was a small rattlesnake, obviously hung over, and moving away from me…yet that noise scared me to death. i hurried up the path and continued my climbing expedition, being very careful to watch where i stepped.on my way back, i figured that snake was so pissed off he’d probably gone and told some of his snake buddies and had laid a trap for me along any/all of the 3 paths that lead back across the gully. this was a chess match — i knew i had to out-think him and his pals…so i went with the “shock and awe” plan: i sprinted down the path in my sissy flip flops hoping that my moves were just to quick for those snakes (and hoping no other climber was watching my flight)

PROLOGUEi felt bad for the dirt kicks, so i decided he deserved a peace offering. i sent him some FTD goodness this morning. nothing says “i’m sorry for kicking dirt at you” like a “Blooms of Spring” bouquet.

CONCLUSIONwatch out for snakes! (but please, no bludgeoning, you unruly teens!)