Birthday Presents

Our little Ruby turned 4 years old today. Say it with me now: “They grow up so fast.” It’s incredible how much this little girl has grown up in the last year. 3 years old was rough on Ruby. You may have heard the phrase “Terrible 2’s”, but with both our girls, it was the “Terrible 3’s.”  Lots of tantrums, sobbing, and general malaise.

Erin’s parents were generous enough to fly out from San Diego for Ruby’s birthday. We started the day with a trip to our favorite donut store in Guthrie, OK. Ruby got her favorite: chocolate with sprinkles. Afterwards, we all came home for her party. Grandpa helped clean up outside, while I cleaned up the house and Erin and her mom made snacks. We’d been planning on a pool party for weeks, but a cold snap and a rain storm ruined our plans. Thankfully, we (and our friends and their kids) are flexible. In a different season in our lives, we probably would have scrambled to rent some indoor space for Ruby’s birthday party. But we’ve been learning a lot lately about what our kids need (and don’t need). And Ruby didn’t need some big expensive party at a local pizza place. She just needed to have some fun.

So Erin bought a piñata.

La Piñata

In case your Spanish is a bit rusty, piñata means “awesome afternoon of fun.” Ok, no, but it should. Because what kid doesn’t like swinging a bat at a cardboard animal filled with candy?! I didn’t have anything to hang it from in our living room, so I dismantled a long metal rod I use to sweep the pool. I found some gaffer’s tape in the garage and – voila! – the makings of an unfortunate episode of America’s Funniest Home Video. Every male in the room knew I was rolling the dice holding onto a long stick with a piñata at the end.

Thankfully, I avoided any groin shots and managed to help Ruby smack the every-living crap out of that thing. Candy went flying and kids went screaming.

Then it came time for opening presents. And here’s where it got interesting…

Less Toys, More Experiences

A few years back, I remember listening to some podcast where they were asking retirees what they wish they had done — what they wish they had accomplished. The overwhelming majority didn’t say they wish that had something, but they had done something. They wished they had gone on that trip around the world, kissed that girl, or jumped off that bridge. This was the first time I had heard about the importance of “experiences over things.”

Fast-forward a few years later and Erin and I have 3 kids and a house full of toys. Birthday toys, Christmas toys, Target dollar section toys, etc. They’re everywhere. Last month we decided we’d had enough and began to purge the aforementioned toys. I gave away 6 trash bags full of unused toys. And that day Erin and I decided to run an experiment. What if, instead of more toys, we gave our kids an experience? Less stuff, more adventures?

So for Ruby’s birthday, we first asked that no one bring any gifts. Knowing that few parents follow instructions like these (why is that?), we gave them an option: gift cards to fun experiences. We were a little nervous putting out instructions like this. Would our friends think we were crazy? What about Ruby? Would she be disappointed not opening up packages of new toys?

When it came time to unwrap the goodies, Erin sat with Ruby and coached her along. We knew we would have to manufacture some excitement. After all, it would be hard for Ruby to grasp the excitement of something as unappealing as a gift card.

But we couldn’t have been happier with the results. Ruby’s two favorites were 1) an afternoon at a local tea parlor with her Grandma, and 2) two gift cards (one for her older sister) to a local trampoline park. Erin did a great job explaining each one to Ruby. We were shocked to see her eyes light up as each one was explained to her. Watching her begin to grasp a complicate concept like delayed gratification was incredible for me as a parent.

She didn’t need all those toys. She just wanted to have fun with her friends.

I’m glad our experiment worked … but Christmas is around the corner. How can we enter the Christmas season less focused on toys and “getting”? It’s something Erin and I are pondering and hoping we can change in this upcoming season.

What About You?

Have you ever forgone toys for your kids and replaced it with something more fun? Or do you, like us, find yourself surrounded by toys and feeling overwhelmed by all the stuff?